Giving Without Losing Yourself: A Holiday Survival Guide
Ah, November. The leaves are crunchy, the air smells like cinnamon, and pumpkin-spiced everything is still in our hands. But so is the annual tidal wave of invitations, obligations, and well-meaning requests that slowly chip away at our peace. If October was about taking our masks off and showing up authentically, November is about protecting that self you’ve finally uncovered. Welcome to your holiday survival guide.
1. Notice Your Energy Leaks
Before you can protect your energy, you have to know where it’s going. People-pleasing tendencies don’t magically disappear once you stop saying yes to everything. Sometimes, more often than not, they just find new outlets.
Ask yourself:
Who drains me most during this season?
Which activities leave me secretly exhausted even if I look cheerful on the outside?
Where do I compromise my needs “for the sake of harmony”?
Try a quick Energy Audit: draw a simple table, with columns for activity, energy cost, and energy gain. That family dinner that leaves you smiling but secretly drained? Put it in the cost column. That 15-minute meditation or tea ritual that makes you feel human again? That’s your gain. Not sure? Add an extra column for unsure and try to notice how it makes you feel the next time you partake. Then relocate it to its appropriate column.
Once you see the numbers, it’s easier to strategically decide where to spend your energy - and where to say no.
2. Boundaries Aren’t Mean, They’re Survival
If November has taught us anything, it’s that the holiday season can feel like the emotional Olympics. But here’s a key insight: boundaries are not selfish. They’re essential. The other thing I like to tell my clients is boundaries are not for other people, they are for you - to protect your peace, sanity, energy and anything and everything else that needs protecting.
Practical ways to set them:
Time boundaries: Decide which events you actually want to attend and which you can skip. No apologies needed beyond a polite “Thanks for the invitations but I can’t make it this time.”
Emotional boundaries: You don’t have to solve everyone’s drama. Excuse yourself, breathe, or politely redirect the conversation. No one needs an explanation about your life or your choices.
Digital boundaries: Turn notifications off, put your phone in another room during meals, limit social media scrolling. Protecting your attention protects your sanity.
💡 Tip: Keep your boundary language light but clear:
“I’d love to join, but I need a quiet evening to recharge.”
“I can’t take that on right now, but I hope it goes really well!”
3. Sprinkle Humor on Everything
This one’s helpful. Humor is like emotional WD-40. Whether you're silly, witty or downright sarcastic, humor in its various forms keeps the machinery of family gatherings, friend obligations, and work parties running without grinding you down.
Examples:
“I’d love to help, but my bandwidth currently looks like a tangled set of holiday lights.”
“I’ll totally RSVP… once I finish negotiating the peace between my social life and my sweatpants.”
“I’d love to chat, but my battery just hit that low-power mode where I start speaking in nods.”
Humor lets you say no without guilt, and it softens awkward interactions while keeping your relationships intact.
A moment of honesty here - it’s also ok if you’re just not funny and want to be flat out honest...kindly. Not everyone can be Zarna Garg on a Netflix special. I get it. That being said, if you’re not particularly funny and would like to use humor, google or ChatGPT a few things you could say. The internet seems to be the gift that keeps on giving.
4. Protect Micro-Moments for Yourself
Even if you can’t opt out of everything, there are tiny windows of peace you can claim:
Five-minute meditation before a family Zoom call.
A solo coffee or tea ritual in the morning.
Leaving an obligatory social event a little early (without guilt!).
These micro-moments aren’t indulgent, they’re recovery fuel. Think of them as tiny “energy deposits” that keep your emotional bank account in the black.
5. Practice Saying No (Out Loud)
“No”vember is the prime time to practice assertiveness. Pick one small “no” this week:
Decline an extra commitment.
Skip one social event you don’t really want to attend.
Let a non-urgent request slide without over-explaining.
💡 Exercise: Write down three things you’ve been avoiding saying no to. Practice them out loud - again in the mirror, with your dog, or your favorite plant. Then, pick one to actually do this week.
6. Reflect and Celebrate Wins
Before the month spirals into December chaos, take a moment to acknowledge where you succeeded:
Did you skip one obligation without guilt?
Did you say no when it counted?
Did you protect a tiny slice of your day for yourself?
Even small wins matter. Reflection keeps you aware, grounded, and motivated and reminds you that you don’t have to just survive this season, you can actually thrive in it.
🎯 Bonus Challenge: Your November Energy Shield
Pick one mask or habit to leave behind this month for good - the one that drains you the most. Write it down, post it somewhere visible, and make a plan for how you’ll protect yourself when that energy sucker shows up.
Examples:
Saying yes to every “quick favor.”
Over-explaining why you need downtime.
Agreeing to every social invite, even when you secretly want to binge Netflix.
Your goal: practice self-protection now, so that when December hits, you show up rested, calm, and guilt-free, ready to actually enjoy the holidays on your terms and without burning out.
✨ Closing Note
You don’t have to do everything, see everyone, or make every event perfect. This November, prioritize yourself as much as you prioritize others. Protect your energy, laugh when things get awkward, and honor your boundaries. You deserve it and your relationships will survive, I promise.
💬 I’d love to hear from you!
What’s one holiday energy drain you’re ready to tackle this season? Comment below or email me your experiences at hello@honestspacetherapy.com to help guide what I write next.
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👋🏽 Hi there As always, if I can be of service in any way, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I specialize in anxiety therapy, self-esteem therapy, relationship skills therapy, couples therapy, therapy for parents and therapy for big life changes. I work mostly, but not exclusively, with BIPOC adults and couples in CA & TX and see a lot of mixed race/multicultural couples. I’m also well-versed in working with neurodivergent clients - both individuals and couples.
SOMETHING NEW:
If You Need a Different Kind of Support: In addition to being a therapist, I’m also a career success and leadership coach for 1st & 2nd gen professionals (the first in your family to build a career here or the child of immigrants balancing two cultures). I support high-achieving professionals who are tired of biting their tongues in meetings, over delivering on projects, and still getting sidelined when it’s time for promotions. I teach you how to get visible and build leadership presence so that you can get promoted (and paid!) within 4 months without working harder, switching jobs, or pretending to be someone you’re not.
If this sounds like something you need or you would like more information, head on over to www.minalnebhnanicoaching.com.
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Until Next Month, Happy “No”vember!
-Minal